10 things I wish I would have done differently at my own wedding
January 19, 2011
Jennifer Wilson
White dresses, sky-high cakes and serious vows — the wedding day is steeped in tradition and other people’s expectations. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the fairytale that it’s easy to forget the practical side of things.
Even though my marriage didn’t last, by all standards, my wedding day went off very smoothly: the guests enjoyed themselves, the photographs were lovely and the only tears were of happiness.
But, there were still areas of improvement for my own enjoyment of the big day. Herewith, 10 things I wish I would have done differently (not counting the groom).
1. Involve your partner, family and friends – as much as they want to be involved. While finding the perfect purple calla lily may be a mission for you, your betrothed and your best friend may not find it nearly as fascinating. Let your loved ones care about the details that are important to them.
2. Delegate. By the same token as not involving your friends and family in every single detail of your planning, it’s OK to let yourself off the hook. Whether you’re not a flower person, or your only concern about the rehearsal dinner is that you get a glass of wine, letting someone else handle those details can relieve your stress, and let you focus on the big picture, like getting enough sleep and finding the perfect pair of shoes.
3. Number the RSVP cards. All it takes is a few cards without a return address to leave your guest list a little muddled. I already had a numbered list of guests and their addresses, and had I simply written the corresponding number on the backs of their reply cards, I would have been able to track down the blanks without calling my mother.
4. Letting go of the little things. My friends still tell the story of one ridiculous afternoon spent tying tiny purple bows on 100 bottles of bubbles. Then sealing each perfectly tied bow with a dab of hot glue. I wish I was kidding. There’s not a single photo of those bottles. I really could have better used that time relaxing at the spa!
5. Dig in my heels on the things that matter. I wanted a day that reflected my partner and I, so we pushed ahead with ideas that weren’t always greeted with enthusiasm by our families, such as all of the groomsmen wearing Chuck Taylor sneakers or having a “bridesman” and “man of honour”. Where I didn’t stand up was in our music, and while a few favourites made it into the playlist, the carefully curated dance selections, the product of hours of debating, never got played. I also grew my hair out for the day, something I still regret. The day should be about you – not about what you think a wedding ought to be.
6. Plan for things to go wrong. Whether it’s for a wedding or a renovation, all budgets should include a contingency fund. That way, when you wake up on the big day and realize you haven’t remembered to pick up buds for the flower girl, you’re not busting your budget.
7. Don’t sweat it when they do go wrong. Planning a wedding is a lot like herding cats. You’re trying to perfectly choreograph the arrival of goods, people and events. Even the best planners can’t control the weather or the fact that your cousin is running late.
8. Eat. The day goes quickly, and keeping fed and hydrated proved to be a challenge. I planned ahead — having friends deliver breakfast, ordering in lunch, but I still didn’t get more than two bites of my buffet dinner. If I ever do it again, I’ll have a bridesmaid stow a protein bar in her bouquet.
9. Get your dress cleaned. Immediately. Otherwise, two years later, you will be explaining to a very confused drycleaner that the purple icing stain is seriously set in.
10. Enjoy yourself! Yes, the wedding day is steeped in tradition, and making a lifelong commitment to someone is not to be taken lightly. But you have to just learn to let go. Otherwise, you’ll feel like an observer at your own wedding, and be reliving key moments through other people’s stories.
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